Well...

He WAS sick. Maybe I'm intuitive after all...

ugh. so. yeah. I'm not so fine. Right now my head is saying just forget about him, because you're going to get hurt. And my heart won't let me stop loving him. Someone needs to help me figure out what to do. Actually, I want HIM to help me figure out what to do. But he hasn't talked to me...except for like two sentences last night. I'm just getting sick of this. Maybe I deserve better, someone who cares more, or gives me more attention. And then...I remember how happy I am when I'm with him. But then again, when I'm not with him...which is most of the time, I'm just unhappy. I don't deserve that, do I?

So what in the hell am I supposed to do? Stop loving him? How am I supposed to do that?
What am I supposed to do?
Maybe I need someone else to help me stop loving him...
But...I can't love anyone else...I just can't...
What am I saying? I don't know that I can't love anyone else...
Maybe I'll try...and then he won't have to deal with me anymore. I want him to be happy. And if he can't be happy with me, if he doesn't believe that I'm good enough for him...I'll get out of his way...
I just want to talk to him about it...but he won't respond to any kind of contact...IM, phone, anything...maybe he hates me...then again...maybe he's sick...

Grrr. I'm so confused, and sad, and lonely...
I don't like this...I don't deserve this...
I don't want to deal with it anymore...
And then...I do....